prayer

Rest is coming for you!

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September is usually a really busy time, fresh starts all round. The air is cooler and we say goodbye to summer. The days get shorter. We buy new stationary, school uniforms are made ready and the kids go back to school.

For me this September started with stopping! I had thought that I was good at resting and having a healthy balance in my life between work and rest, but it turns out that’s not the case! It’s given me a chance to think about what the difference is between being tired and being weary.

I often hear people say they’re tired, we’re all busy, whether it’s work, school, church or hobbies, we fill our time easily. Tiredness is usually solved by an early night or taking a day at the weekend to recover. It might also be that our diet isn’t right or that we’re not exercising enough. Tiredness is a physical thing, our bodies need certain things to keep going. Good food (not empty calories), regular exercise and sleep!

Weariness on the other hand is a more mental experience. It’s where you’ve been pushing on with something to the detriment of your own physical and mental health. ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’, actually means ignore what you’re feeling and get on with it! While that seems noble and helpful, it eventually leads to burnout.

So how do you overcome weariness? I think this is something that’s different for everyone and a good starting point is to know whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert. As an introvert myself, I know that for me, the best way to restore my mind is to be alone and read, play piano or go for a walk. I have a friend who’s and extrovert, and for them, that would be awful, they need to be around people in order to feel restored.

A practice I’ve read about recently, that I think could be helpful for anyone, is the practice of finding ‘Silence and Solitude’. In ‘The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry‘ by John Mark Comer, he talks about how we live in a world that constantly demands our attention and so to actually stop and take time to be alone without distraction is actually good for our souls. We need to listen to ourselves and, as a Christian, I need to listen to God. I really recommend reading this book as I think we can all do with a dose of reminding ourselves that we were made for more than the rat race, that our identity doesn’t come from what we do or achieve but from who we are made to be.

While my September has been about stopping, it doesn’t mean I haven’t sat alone and stared at the walls! I’ve examined my heart, I’ve sought help where I need it and I’ve taken time to restore my soul. I’m learning that stopping or admitting I need help isn’t failing.

Rest came and found me! Do you need to stop running and let rest catch up with you? Check your heart for signs of weariness and take some time to be silent and alone. It might only be five minutes but it could change your life!

Journey to Autism Diagnosis – Part Two – Newborn days

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So our beautiful daughter was born. I felt great afterwards because I’d refused all drugs and so bounced out of bed to have a shower leaving Sean in charge!

Our baby girl wasn’t happy though. First nights with new babies are always rough. I had expected crying but I wasn’t ready for the ear splitting screaming she started. I stayed for the night in hospital as she was born just after midnight and she screamed the whole time except when I was feeding her.

I took her through to the nursery to ask for help from the midwives, as my eldest had cried but not like this. My instinct told me she was in pain. But the midwives just dismissed me saying that it just meant she was hungry. They were clearly busy and a crying baby isn’t unusual. I left hospital as soon as I could the next day.

When we got home though the screaming continued. Sean thought he was going to lose his hearing as it went on all day and all night. The midwife added it to the notes in her red book – ‘very high pitched cry’.

After weeks of this, with hardly any sleep, we were willing to try anything. The health visitors referred us to a consultant and we saw a chiropractor in the meantime. After four months with no change and feeling at the end of our resources we asked our church leaders to come and pray! She stopped screaming that day. The consultant and Chiropractor discharged us and I stopped going to the health visitor. I had lost faith that they knew any better than I did!

It’s worth mentioning here how hard it is to have a baby who cries all day. When you’re out and about and see a mother struggling with a crying baby, rather than offering suggestions, that she’s probably heard a thousand times, it’s so much more helpful to remind her she’s doing a good job, to keep going and that it will get better. I had people think they could help and take her to try their techniques only for them to give up and pass her back. They could walk away but I was left feeling despondent and literally help-less. The best help we received were from friends who took my toddler or both kids so that I could sleep for an hour or so. Such a blessing.

During this beginning part of our journey I made all kinds of excuses for what was happening. First and most prominent was that I’d had a boy first time and so I didn’t understand girls, maybe this was normal. Or perhaps it was my fault because I was so tired all the time and maybe it wasn’t that bad.

You can see from this part of our story that early intervention was minimal and we were leading it with our need. We had no experience that told us maybe we should hold on to the help we were offered. The health visitors didn’t have any suggestions that indicated there could be something more going on beyond what we could see.

I still question today whether if I had pursued help whether some of her difficulties would be easier. This is a breadcrumb trail that leads no where, so if you’re on that trail, look up and walk away. You are the best parent for your child. Love them unconditionally on good days and bad, no matter how tough that is. It’s what will steady them in their own walk through life.

Absent Friends

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This week has been a bitter sweet one saying goodbye to a special friend, Sasha. So I thought as most of you don’t know her I’d share a little of her story and why there is a sweetness to her dying.

In February 2019 I was asked to give Sasha a call as she had been in touch with the church as she had some questions about life. I called and arranged to meet her at the church building one morning the following week.

She arrived looking very glamorous in her faux fur coat, perfect make up and hair! She even had a matching handbag and shoes! Something that both impresses and intimidates me! I’m not that organised or glamorous! Anyway we sat at a table in the foyer and we chatted easily for a while. Then I asked how I could help her?

Her eyes had glittered with tears as she told me that she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and she was scared. She didn’t have any peace about dying. I cried with her as it had been less than a year since I’d lost my mother in law to the same evil illness. I was honest with her and told her I didn’t have the peace to give her but I knew a man who did. His name is Jesus.

After this conversation we met regularly and talked about everything and I really mean everything! She attended our Church’s Alpha course to learn more about the Christian faith. We would debrief regularly about the week and one of the things she loved was the people. She would tell me about the people from all walks of life that she’d met and the peace she saw in those who had accepted Jesus and by the end came to the conclusion that’s what she needed.

She prayed a prayer and invited Jesus into her life. The transformation was stunning! She’d found what she was looking for. Peace.

She got baptised in February 2020 in her garden with a pink flamingo bucket! It was a wonderful occasion, full of fun and life, just as she was!

During the pandemic we chatted regularly. She shared with me about all the incredible ventures she’d started and courses she’d taken. She realised that through it all she was searching for what she now had. She still had adventure in her heart but it wasn’t what drove her anymore.

A month ago I went round and saw her in person for the first time in ages. We sat in the garden and chatted as usual. It was clear she was in pain but she was still smiling, still looking glamorous! But as I was about to leave she asked me to come and see her hospital bed in the bedroom. As we went inside she whispered that time was going fast now. We prayed and she smiled. She wasn’t afraid for herself but worried about those she loved. She gave me an enormous hug, she knew she hadn’t long left.

The last time I saw her she was still smiling even as she struggled to stay awake. She took my hand and held it tight. There it was, peace that surpasses understanding. When she went to be with Jesus she didn’t linger long. She went to the hospice on the Monday, which is where she knew she wanted to die and passed away on the Tuesday.

This week was the celebration of her life. Everyone who spoke about her talked of her laughter and fun. The way she embraced life and loved loudly!

My sadness that she’s gone is tinged with a sweetness of knowing she’s not in pain anymore and she’s with Jesus! She’s promised to save me a seat! My only regret is that my time getting to know her was so short. I will miss her deeply but know when I see her again she’ll be full of laughter without hiding any pain.

I go on and I’m sure will meet many people but Sasha will forever have a special place in my heart. Goodbye my friend, until we meet again.

Moves and Miracles Part Two

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So where did we get to last week? I’d just told you about our last eviction in February 2020. We were given two months notice. So we had to be out at the end of March 2020. We were very blessed to have some friends kindly offer to help us by lending us enough money to be able to buy a home of our own.

But then lockdown happened. There were no house viewings, there was no way we could buy anywhere or even find somewhere else to rent. We were very lucky that another friend of ours had a flat we could move into. So in the middle of lockdown we packed and moved most of our stuff into storage and moved into a two bed flat.

Four kids, two adults and four rooms. We have some great stories from that time but the favourite was the day I took the kids to the beach for the morning. When I got back Sean had locked himself out of the flat and so was sitting in the hallway outside the flat on a zoom meeting!

We let ourselves in and I went into the bedroom and started to change out of my swimming costume in the bedroom. Which you should know was also the office. Sean thought this was the moment to come in for his zoom meeting! So he walks in with all the senior leadership team on the zoom call as I’m undressed! I obviously screamed and threw myself into the fitted wardrobe! Luckily no one saw anything but they definitely heard me scream!

Through this time we were organising the buying of our new home. Apparently, it’s not normal for friends to lend other friends money. Every mortgage company refused to consider it. But our financial advisor was incredible and helped the whole process to go through. He made sure we could do it without lying! It meant we prayed a lot, along with an army of our friends! Even so wasn’t until a week before our proposed moving date, while we at Adventure Wonderland, we were given the yes to go ahead! We ended up exchanging, completing and moving in on the same day!

It was a real rollercoaster! On the 31st July 2020 we moved into our first home that we own. Everyone involved agrees this was a miraculous provision, that if you take God out of the equation, it could never have happened.

So if you have housing needs I’d love to pray for you! I have faith for some crazy miracles to happen. Think walls of Jericho and Goliath’s being defeated!

Moves and Miracles Part One

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In the last six years as a family we have moved six times! It all started in 2014 after we had our last baby. We were living in a 3 bed terraced house in Springbourne. We’d lived there for seven years and been really happy. But I had a habit of shopping on ‘Rightmove’ and I regularly would point them out to Sean! Then when I was looking after Baby four, I saw a vicarage near us for rent it was at £1200 per month and only had a six month lease on it. But I just had a good feeling about it! So I organised to go and view it on a day when I knew Sean would be busy and thought it would be a good morning out with the kids.

As it turned out Sean was free and rolled his eyes when I told him what I’d organised. When we got to the house the eye rolling didn’t stop. Even though the house was perfect for us, in fact better than we needed, it was only available for six months and was £400 more a month than we were currently paying. We walked away with the words of the estate agent ringing in our ears, ‘this place will rent at £1200 within the week’.

So that was that.

Or was it?

Later that week I would speak to a friend who would challenge me to push the door for the house a bit harder and pray about it. I did and felt I should write to the landlord, which I started to do. Sean saw me doing it and took over! We prayed about it and pressed send!

A few weeks later we had a call from the landlord who was very interested in having us and even agreed to our limit of rent! We couldn’t believe it! We moved into what was a home we couldn’t even imagine living in!

After two years we got evicted. There were tears from us all. But after gathering the family to pray another beautiful home became available,  after six months we were evicted again. Again we prayed and we were offered a new home by the same landlord. So when we were evicted again after two years we gathered the kids to pray again. This time we had to find a new landlord and home. This time there was no negotiating rent but we moved in May 2019 with a promise from the landlord that it would be at least five years before we would need to leave. So when we got an eviction notice in February 2020 we were a little shocked to say the least.

Next week I’ll finish this story and tell you the incredible ending and the home we now live in.